Sometimes life is stranger than fiction, and not everything can be clearly defined as either black or white - just ask Michael Jackson... (with the aid of Derek Acorah of course!).

A seaweed bread diet apparently holds the answer to beating obesity - I'm not surprised - if you made me a sandwich on seaweed bread I wouldn't eat it, but I would slap you (and believe me you'd feel it!).

Ah feelings - we all have them, we can feel happy, sad or grumpy. We can be hurt and we can be touched... and if you went to a catholic school you could possibly confirm that.

Today I have... hurt feelings. "Why?!" I hear you all gasp in astonishment (or "Meh" for those muttering in apathy) - well today you see I was accused of a most hanus crime(Heh heh - he said 'hanus')... yoghurt theft. Just ask Michael Campbell when it comes to accusations of theft in the workplace taking the biscuit, well actually he did take the biscuit - but that's not the point - the point is that if I'm not smothered head to toe in yoghurt when you come across me (as if I'd eat the stuff!) then you can safely assume I didn't take it.

Of course what hurt wasn't the accusation itself - more the fact that an apology never followed... and so we lead on to tonights song, oh Conchords - you've nailed how I feel tonight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zI3_pnUU3k

Goodnight everybody!

"I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feelings"

Some days you're 'the bomb' and everyone wants to be around you, other days people just scream "He's the bomb!" as they flee.

I thought selling stuff on eBay was supposed to be easy? - Apparently it's not if you're trying to sell cars! I've not had such an unexpectedly hard time trying to do something since that day I offered to help out directing traffic in Tiananmen square back in eighty-nine!

Well it's been a week of sadness & joy - as one friend leaves expectedly, another one returns unexpectedly. It's bye bye Spoons, you've been a worthy adversary - please try not to get stabbed in the face in Rusholme (although according to Wikipedia it's gun crime you need to worry about...) - and hello again KD! (Please don't stab me in the face! :oS ).

Mother's Day tomorrow and I'm sure, like me, you've forgotten to buy a card. I'm hoping the Sunday morning rush at the Spar wont be too bad! Luckily I don't live too far from a graveyard, so flowers are never a problem - if you're really lucky you can sometimes even find an arrangement that spells "MOM"! (Does that joke go too far?... I guess if I have to ask, then no, it doesn't...).

The next blog promises a US inspired theme - although if Jerry Springer has taught me anything about America, it's don't go there! Today's show featured a pregnant mom planning on becoming a 'lady of the night' (no that doesn't mean a vampire) to bring in extra cash to help raise her child as, "it's easier than getting a real job". Now I'm hoping she's got some money stowed away somewhere, because that kid isn't going to be able to afford to go to college... trust me, you agree if you'd seen mom-hoe!

I was going to end today with Roy Orbison's classic 'I Drove All Night', but there's something about the lyrics -

"I drove all night to get to you
Is that all right?
I drove all night, crept in your room
Woke you from your sleep to make love to you
Is that all right?"

- that's just a bit creepy for a bedtime song (- notice how he only asks if it's all right afterwards! - creep!)

So instead I'll leave you all with something a little more cheery & upbeat - this is one of my favourite scenes from one of my favourite films - enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoWE1_GVbIc

Sometimes life is just about having a little fun (just be glad I didn't pick the Silence of the Lambs 'Goodbye Horses' tribute scene!) - goodnight everybody!

"ABC - It's easy!"

"I didn't know I was looking for love 'til I found you" - way too cheesy a tagline for internet dating right? - I was going to go with, "square peg seeks round hole", but that was just wrong on way too many levels...

So for breakfast today I was treated to some american candies & a bottle of scotch - no wonder my teeth are rotting and my kidneys are shot! Still it tastes way better than Weetabix - aka the Devil's sanding block - you have to add a whole lot of milk & sugar before they start to taste any good!

To accompany brekkie came the gift of 'days of the week' fridge magnets, which despite my best efforts I couldn't eat (I'll see you Wednesday Tuesday!), so I can only assume they're for affixing "Babes of the week" photos to my fridge! Now all I need to do is find pics of seven girls who won't object to being objectified - I think I'm gonna make you my girl Friday Gwennie! (And I wonder why I get called a 'dirtbag').

Well it seems that winter is almost at an end, sure it's cold outside, but there's nothing like a little blue sky to let you know that summer's on its way - I hear there's some sunshine from Hawaii heading in our direction, let's just hope that it decides to stick around for a little while.

Somebody do me a favour & make sure this next one gets played at my funeral (hopefully that wont be anytime soon!) - if this song isn't already on your feel good list, then pretty soon it will be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98P-gu_vMRc&feature=related

Goodnight everybody!

"Hey there mister blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Ev'rybody smiles at you"

It's been over 48hrs since the last blog and well, during that time I've been busy procrastinating my fingers to the bone! No job has been too small to put off - no task too urgent to postpone; it's a flaw that I'll get around to tackling sooner or later.

So as the Mondeo & the Mini wing their respective ways to the great eBay auction in the sky, I await my new chariot to be made ready - a Rover 75. Some may call it an old man's car with its walnut dash and 'classic' styling - I like to think of it as retro sheek (so what if the radio was pre-tuned to Radio 2 - that'll just save me some time right?). As cars go, it's won no less than 29 awards! - The Italians voted it, "The Most Beautiful Car In The World", What Car? heralded it as, "The Car Of The Year" and it 2004 it won the accolade, "Most popular British Forces Germany Tax Free Car Purchase" - oh yeah, you want one now don't you??!

I came very close to buying a very nice Mercedes, but I simply couldn't afford the extra expense of having to change the licence plate number - no matter how nice the car, when the reg ends "GEY" you just know that the associated abuse wont make buying it worthwhile.

So in China a boy born without pores grows scales & affectionately gets given the nickname "Fish Boy" - no doubt when he's older this will get upgraded to "Haddock Man".

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2872732/Fish-boy-stuns-Chinese-docs.html

Of course Fish Boy could have made himself useful in York, where drivers who'd been forced to abandon their vehicles due to the floods recovered their cars to find them full of water & ladened with parking tickets - sucks to be them...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254891/Motorists-cars-flooded-river-broke-banks-given-parking-tickets.html?ITO=1708&referrer=yahoo

Apparently the best way to overcome procrastination is to focus on your mind on something, but what though? Maybe George Harrison & a dodgy 80's video can help set me on my way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJvxjcY3Xcc

Goodnight everybody!

"I got my mind set on you!
I got my mind set on you!"