Have you ever felt a burning sensation when you pee? I have to admit that I'm no doctor, but I've got a suspicion that the house may be on fire...

It turns out that some people have embarrassing bodies, and that some of those people with embarrassing bodies have embarrassing illnesses. Understandably some of those people with embarrassing bodies and embarrassing illnesses are too embarrassed about their embarrassing bodies and embarrassing illnesses to see their understanding GP... So what I don't understand is why a person whose embarrassing body and embarrassing illness, too embarrassed to see their understanding GP is stood before the world on Channel Four waving their cankerous crotch in my pizza porking face, proclaiming, "I'm so embarrassed by my embarrassing body and my embarrassing illness, that I'm too embarrassed to see my understanding GP". I'm assuming that proclamation was probably followed by, "...Is that a camera?".

Anywho, I saw that pizza twice!

... the topping wasn't as nice second time round though...

In an interesting response to yesterdays story regarding Britain's burglars being 'made redundant', Britain's bobby's are fighting back against the falling rates of crime by, "posing as burglars and breaking into vulnerable properties". The purpose of this exercise is to allegedly demonstrate "security weaknesses", and is part of what's Officially called "Operation Golden" - or unofficially, "Operation Shhh... what was that noise? You'd better go check...".

I've had a go at writing some valentines day rhymes today -

"Roses are red,
Cows are sacred,
If I give you a fiver...
Will you get naked?!"

Or hows about,

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'd get more than a caution
For what I'd do to you!"

Or maybe...

"Roses are red,
Chocolates are swell,
If you don't say you love me,
Then you'll die down a well." (That one's my favourite)

Shame 'Clinton's cards' is already taken... I don't think that Hallmark have anything to worry about though! (Yet!)